Tag: Shit Coffee

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Good morning are you happy to see me or is that caffeine in your underwear … Wait what?

Caffeine infused underwear.. Let that soak in for a moment or not .  Why in the hell would you want caffeine in your underwear? Worse yet its being marketed as a weight loss product!

The Federal Trade Commission said Wacoal America and Norm Thompson Outfitters, which owns Sahalie and others, were accused of deceptive advertising that claimed their caffeine-impregnated clothing would cause the wearer to lose weight and have less cellulite.

The bullshit factor is in the millions range at that point because if I counted all the Caffeine in my system at any given point i’d be about 2 pounds. Bullshit_Dock_Icon_by_XakorXDOf all the weird places to put caffeine , I think it would be underwear or ass.  Who ever thought of that must of been bored beyond sanity .

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Coffee fillers…. What the hell did they learn there lesson from Pink slime?

In a world of cat and elephant shit coffee you’d expect your normal coffee to go untouched. That may be at an end.

Brazilian scientists have developed a new way of testing coffee grounds for fillers like corn, sticks (yep, as in wood), barley, and soybeans. The test, which detects the presence of sugars that wouldn’t normally be in pure java, is being presented at this week’s annual American Chemical Society meeting.

soo….. lets add some sticks and corn to my coffee and put it in the microwave …. mmmm Pop-tea-coffee-corn.  Not that this practice has been in use in the US yet. But if there is a test developed it means its in the pipeline.

“Adulterated coffee is something I’ve suspected in some work I’ve done in Russia and the Middle East, where there’s an extreme price point set for consumer products,” says Andrew Hetzel, a coffee industry consultant who leads training courses for the Coffee Quality Institute.

I guess we will all have to watch out for dunkin donuts and the like saying “CHECK OUT OUR NEW FLAVORS!” oh wait..

Dunkin Donuts to Launch First Hot Dark-Roast Coffee

Dunkin’ Donuts to Sell New Dark-Roast Nationwide Next Month

Dunkin’ Donuts, long known for its light coffee, is going dark, in the latest move to poach customers in the escalating java wars.

The unit of Dunkin’ Brands Group Inc. debuted its new dark-roast coffee, the first hot dark roast in its 64-year history, on Thursday at a Modesto, Calif., store, and plans to sell it nationwide starting Sept. 22.

Dunkin’ says the dark roast represents its most important coffee launch since it came…

Are coffees going to have the wonderful labels of common products that you don’t understand . Here’s a short list you might not want to read.

  • Polydimethylsiloxane

This is a common fast food additive, you’ll find PDMS include Silly Putty, anti-foaming agents, breast implants, dry-cleaning solutions, silicone and head-lice treatments. Yummy! 

  • Castoreum (You almost don’t want to know this one…)

Beaver anal juice can be commonly found in perfumes and colognes but are also sometimes used in raspberry products to enhance their flavor. wait what??  It can also be found in chewing gum and cigarettes. So the next time you have some gum or a cigarette folks … remember you are sucking beaver ass! Mmmmmmm….It is hard to imagine beaver anal juice enhancing the flavor of raspberries.

  • Silicon dioxide

Ever go to the beach and get sand in the crack of your ass that just wont go away ? Well, Silicon dioxide is added to coffee creamers.. While not gross, it ends up as fucking weird. its also in soups and salads. Maybe I just might bring a spoon to a beach and enjoy the seashore.

Ready to spit out beer? than read on ..

  • methylparaben

Find methylparaben in many wines, soft drinks, and fruit juice from concentrate… Enjoy it knowing that the additive originates in the vaginas of dogs when they are in heat. From the beavers ass to a dogs vagina.. mmmmmm…

  • Shellac

Secretions from the female Lac beetle used to finish wood products. Used as a candy coating…

So that’s what kind of fun is in foods that are preprocessed.  But all in all even if you did not know what you were ingesting..  No need to loose our fucking minds until they start adding raw dog shit as an ingredient.

 

In the end this list proves that there is no reason to add anything to coffee. Even though Arabica beans production is down this year by 10% there is no given reason to add sticks or any other random shit to coffee unless your rich, than you can add all the cat and elephant ass to your coffee you want.

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Elephant shit coffee….. How about no?

When I learned of cat shit coffee I had a good laugh. 50$ for cat shitted coffee … awesome! Kopi Luwak may be a good tasting coffee but it will not outlive the connotations of where it came from.

thumbA Kopi Luwak maker in action.

Now they are trying to get elephants in on the deal and are selling this coffee at a premium. We can thank forbes for this intuitive article ….

In Thailand, a company called Black Ivory Coffee has 20 elephants eat coffee beans and crap out the seeds. They are then harvested (lovingly, I’m sure) from small mountains of elephant droppings and then processed into coffee that runs $275 for 30 espresso cups, or about half a gallon of coffee on the top end. The company selling it tries to talk consumers into buying a special $299 coffee brewer because, after all, when you’re spending hundreds of dollars on special coffee, you want a special way to brew it.

At some point or another this is going to pique the interest of the lower end coffee companies and they are going off on there own tangent in labs to make strange coffees to scare the average consumer into drinking something else.

At any given point you will see dunkin donuts and starbucks hanging around zoos trying there hand in the top in coffee markets and not really give a shit but they will sure take one to get into this market.

elephant-poopThe new Dunkin Donuts fast brew station with miralax speed

Does this coffee taste good? It likely does.. have you ever wanted to tell a stock broker or a CEO  to eat shit?  You likely don’t have to , They already have and liked it.  It must be strange to be sitting around and saying well if cats can make coffee why not elephants. Next thing it will be is Cow Shit Coffee , Ferret fart coffee, Zippy Zebra coffee, As there will be buyers lined up around the block with wallets stuffed if it gets enough fanfare.